Sunday, June 08, 2008

Week Seven: Saturday

A public service announcement from the fat guy that is gonna run a marathon:

You may have heard tales of runners running in regulars t-shirts and their nipples bleeding due to chafing. Maybe you have thought to yourself “That is just an urban legend like the story about the people who brought home the dog from Mexico and it turned out to be a rat”

Well fictitious blog reader, I am telling you first hand that bloody nipples are a very real and serious problem.

First off, I have heard first hand from my friend Nate that during a half marathon he looked down to see red streaks down his chest. Chilling visual, I know.

Today I ran my Saturday=Sunday run and nearly experienced the horror firsthand.

Typically I wear and oversized shirt that is so big that it barely touches my chest. Today however I decided that I would just wear the undershirt that I was wearing and head out. Big mistake.

About 20 minutes into the run I noticed a slight irritation. By the 35 minute mark it was as if I had sandpapered my left nipple. Surprisingly, the right nipple was fine. Props to my right nipple for being so resilient. I almost took off my shirt, however I don’t know if I could handle the look of utter horror if I ran past someone. When no one was around I was putting my hand up my shirt to protect the poor little guy. I guess I should have been more worried that I was running around the neighborhood feeling myself up than without a shirt on. I may end up having to register as a sex offender because of all this.

Long story short, although it didn’t bleed it was damn close. Vegetables are good raw. Eddie Murphy is good IN Raw. Nipples are not good raw. Learn from my mistakes and wear appropriate clothing.

And that’s one to grow on, the more you know, and knowing is half the battle.

Today’s run is giving me serious hope that I can pull this off. I ran my 40 minutes and I am almost positive that it was over 3 miles. Hell, during the last 2 minutes I was sprinting to make sure that it was at least 3 miles. My version of sprinting is probably a little pathetic but it was the effort that counts.

Next week I actually only have to run 30 minutes on Sat. 25 minutes on Monday and Thursday and 20 minutes on Wed. Although this is a little step back I am not going to argue with the program.


Mark said...

I am glad there were not any nipple blood stains when we saw you after your run. Count me as one of the people who is deathly afraid of the bleeding nipple phenomenon.

Sarah said...

Bloody nipples? I thought that only ever happened during breastfeeding and vigorous games of Purple Nurple!