Week Fifteen: Thursday

A quick follow up on the running interactions. We finally got our first shut out. Two 12-14 year olds were not interested in responding. They did not seem like the type that were to cool for school, but the type that may have thought that we would get violent if they responded with anything. We also got our first preemptive strike. A guy walking two dogs, the kind with beards and pointy ears, helloed us before my brother got a chance.

It was a 4 mile day today and in an attempt to try and get back to where I was before my hiatus, I was determined to run the whole 4. We did it in 45 minutes. It was not fun, but we did it.

This weekend is supposed to be really hot and I have to run 12 miles on Saturday. This may be my last post due to my untimely passing.

Week Fifteen: Wednesday

Since I have run with my brother a couple times now, I have really noticed the extremes in interactions with people you meet on the trails. My philosophy is much like my philosophy at the mall, on the bus, at Easter dinner… don’t say anything and my God, whatever you do, don’t make eye contact. Every once in a while I will get a “Hey,” and respond. That is about all I have time for.

My brother, on the other hand, makes it a point to greet each person, couple, or family with a “How’s it going?” or a more formal “How are you?” Not only is this completely out of my comfort zone, it also makes me look like a complete a-hole because I am sticking with the NECOS (No eye contact or speech) Philosophy. When he does this, people seem genuinely excited and others are taken aback but not once has anyone just ignored him.

Tonight was a small victory. We ran more than 3 miles in about 35 minutes, walked 15 minutes, then ran what I believe was more probably more than two miles for a total time of 1 hour 10 minutes. It seems like when I went 11 miles I walked more than I ran and still was at around a 14 minute mile. I hope I was not mistaken on my 11 mile distance.

Week Fifteen: Monday

My eating choices are severely restricted due to this dumb diet. Since I had a salad for lunch, I really wanted something that is actually solid. Since we do not generally have thawed meat at the drop of a hat, I was forced to make due with cheddarwurst. I poked a couple holes in those badboys, nuked ‘em, laid down a huge pile of mustard and sat down for my feast. I split one in half and bit into the thing….. and got an eyeful of piping hot cheddar juice. My first response was to scream and reject the object attacking me, which meant throwing a plate full of mustard and bratwurst to the ground onto the rug. So I am screaming, the rug is ruined, and all I have to show for my meal is a burn scar above my left eye. The cool thing is that because it was made by a cheddarwursts, the scar is in the shape of Brett Favre. And that scar is wearing a Vikings jersey.

I went out with my bother again today and although I had ever intention of running further than 2 miles before walking for a little bit, I couldn’t. I am thinking that it is due to the heat and my change in diet. I ain’t giving up the diet just yet, but if this crap continues I may need more energy. The one thing that I know that I should do and haven’t is to make sure that I am well hydrated before the run.

We ended up running 2 miles in 21 minutes, then walking about a half mile, then running about a mile, then walking, then desperately running to try and finish in 48 minutes, then totally crashing and having to walk. All in all it took us 50 minutes to do the 4 miles.

There were encouraging parts, but this two mile wall I keep hitting sucks.

Week Fourteen: Saturday

Saturday was a big day in Fat Guy training. I had to run 11 miles. Now, I knew full well that I was not going to actually RUN 11 miles, but I was going to do the best I could. The little one woke us up at a little before 7 and after tending to her I decided that I had better get this over with. I went on to the computer to Map My Run.com and looked for an 11 mile running route in the area. After about a half hour of searching I decided that I would just run the 4 mile route I know a couple times. I do not want to carry a map along with me when I run.

So, at about 7:45 I slapped band-aids over my nipples and headed out. I ran the first 2 miles and then quit which is really starting to bother me. I have gone 4 miles before so why it is so difficult to run even 3 these days is confusing me. I am hoping it is because I have been out of the game and that I can get back up to 4 soon. I then walked 2, ran 2, walked like 3 and walked/ran the last two. All in all the run took me 2 hours 35 minutes. This was ok, but it knocked me back down to reality about this whole thing. If I would have been running that marathon I don’t know how long I could have run for the remaining 15.2 miles. My guess is I would have had to walk most of it.

Week Fourteen: Thursday

I didn’t run this Thursday. I had started that workout program on Tuesday and that mixed with the running on Wednesday made my legs worthless. I was going to walk the four miles but I decided since I didn’t have to work on Friday that I would spend the night bonding with the family by going to the place that all newborns want to go. The Drive-in.

Now, I don’t know how often you folks have been to the drive in recently but it has changed from a seemingly family friendly atmosphere to an awesome post-apocalyptic party zone. The best thing I can compare it to is the parking lot of a Grateful Dead show. I am pretty sure there are as many drugs floating around the drive in as at a dead show.

Despite the rad party crowd, the wife and I enjoyed the new Batman movie. Veronica, on the other hand, thought it was a snooze-fest. She slept for the entire time. I guess when you aren’t facing the screen there isn’t much else to do.

Week Fourteen: Wednesday

Despite my fear of the bats conspiring against me, I ran at 8:30 tonight to try and manage the heat. It was better but it turns out that running makes you sweat no matter what time of day you do it. Weird, huh?

I was really sore from my new workout program yesterday. Particularly in my butt region. I say “in my butt region” because anyone who knows me knows that I DO NOT HAVE AN BUTT. I am one of those unfortunate individuals that were born without a butt. It was no good when I was skinny, but now that I am fat it is totally exaggerated. I have to wear pants that fit around my gut and there is a huge chasm where one’s butt would be. I really would have made a good drug mule with all that empty space back there. It also leads to my pants being pushed down in front when I am bending over resulting in a plumber’s crack despite my complete lack of butt.

Not sure where I was going with that. Just thought you might want to know. Oh, and to save you the trouble of checking me out.

The run was not all that successful. I still only could go about 2 miles before crapping out. I walked a mile, ran a mile, and then due to severe nipple chaffing I walked the last mile. I seriously thought that my Melrose Place shirt would serve me well, but alas, much like Kimberly when she blew up the compound, it was out to get me.

The 5 miles I traveled took me just shy of one hour. This was an improvement from Monday. I really want to get back to running 4 miles in straight but I may need to work back into that.

Week Fourteen: Monday

I had my first running date today and much like my prom date it was a relative.

My brother decided to tag along with me. I was glad to have the extra motivation to actually start running again. He got to the house around 5 and took off. Unfortunately it was so hot around this time that I thought it was possible I was going to die.

My brother is in way better shape than me and has run in the past off and on so I felt bad that he had to trot along with me. He tried to make conversation at first but my monosyllabic answers deterred him from talking pretty quickly.

We ended up going 2 miles without stopping and I was so hot and winded I had to walk a mile. When it is that hot out the recovery time is so much longer. After a mile we started running again and I lasted another quarter mile before I had to stop again.

I forgot to start my watch, but we were gone almost exactly and hour. Not so bad considering the heat and that I hadn’t run in almost 2 weeks.

The important part is that I am writing this Tuesday after work and so far the foot has no sign of return pain. I am cautiously optimistic that maybe I am healed.

Week Thirteen: Wednesday, Thursday, Saturday

As you may have guessed from the lack of posts and the heading of this one that I am going to totally screw the readers of this blog by posting 3 training days at once and admit that I have done absolutely nothing.

Early in the week I had every intention of going on that stupid elliptical machine but I just have not had the time or energy. I knew that this would be a challenge with the new one in the house, but it is actually the foot problem that has kept me inactive. That being said, I was good about what I ate until the weekend came and I ate the worst crap I could shove in my body. Ice cream cake? Hell yes! Mountain Dew? Why not six!

I could use the excuse that it was Mrs. Fat Guy’s birthday so going out and cake are part of the equation but I do not want to make excuses even though by mentioning her birthday I actually was making an excuse.

The reason that I am motivated to get back on track is that although I did not run for a while and was eating really crappy food when Veronica was born I still lost some weight for the month. Wednesday’s post would have typically included my weight, which was 224. That is 4 pounds less than last time and a total of 17 pounds.

Monday I am going to hit the road and try and run 3 miles. The foot has been feeling great but I have been walking around barefoot and not doing the exercises so I may be in trouble. If the foot acts up again I will deal with that. I am also going to stick to that TNT diet/weight training program.

Thanks for sticking with this and I promise that I will be more attentive to it. Someone asked me what is different with the new roommate. My reply was that it is strange having something that is your entire focus. I think that I can manage my time/energy better because it is very important to me to finish that marathon.

Week Thirteen: Monday

I went 3 miles on the elliptical machine and it took me like 20 minutes. I actually got a good sweat going from the thing but I know that it was a poor replacement for running.

I am also starting that stupid diet today. This is really inconvenient because there is still half a pizza in the fridge and it is seriously mocking me. Not to mention the rest of the 12 pack of Dr. Chill that is in there. I drank like 7 last night but I think Dr. Chill is just like a magic penny. Hold it tight and you won’t have any. Lend it spend it you’ll have so many they’ll roll all over the floor.

Is that song some sort of deviant way to associate love with mindless consumerism? Were only people that went to Pike Lake Elementary exposed to that song?

Week Twelve: Saturday

The sleep deprivation is really getting to me. If I hadn’t already decided to take of this week to allow my foot to recover I probably would have not run anyway. I am determined to start the diet and exercise program on Monday. I don’t go into work until Wednesday so I am going to try and use the exercise as a means of getting into a somewhat normal sleep pattern before I have to go back.

Week Twelve: Thursday

I am going to do everything in my power to not turn this into a blog about fatherhood, my child, parenting tips, or cute stories about a newborn soiling diapers a lot. It may be a little difficult since the only physical exercise I have done since Monday is taking a shower. And I guarantee that no one wants me to write about that. Even I am grossed out by that.

I am going to get back on track as best I can but the sporadic sleep may make things difficult. I have also been purposely over eating to enjoy this while I still can. I have a feeling that my monthly weight loss is not going to be a loss at all.

Week Twelve: Wednesday

Welcome Baby Veronica Carol!

Tuesday, July 8th, 6:07pm

6lbs, 9 ounces.

Sex: Female

Cuteness: 10 out of 10 (Absolutely Adorable)

Week Twelve: Monday

I had to leave work early because Mrs. Fat Guy called and the medical folks wanted to speed up the baby birthing process. Although I am posting this almost a week after the fact I will pretend as if I am posting this on Tuesday, so there is not baby as of Monday night. I did my foot fixing exercises in the hospital. I also made the conscious decision that I do not have the ability to care about any diet while all this is going on and I will eat whatever I want. Well, within reason, as the hospital staff was unwilling to serve me a stick of butter coated in sugar. Jerks.

Week Eleven: Saturday

Please Note: I really apologize for the backlog of postings. I have a valid excuse. This post was written on Monday but not posted because I did not make it home from work. No, I did not end up getting locked into an Old Country Buffet with Jennifer Connelly ala Frank Whaley in Career Opportunities. I couldn’t remember Frank Whaley’s name so I cheated and looked it up. I totally didn’t know that was a John Hughes film.

I really thought that everything was going to be ok with the foot, but Friday and for the rest of the weekend is was painful to walk on the thing. I did not run Saturday as a result and I am going to take it easy for the next 2 weeks.

I have self diagnosed myself with Plantar Fasciitis. It is a pretty common foot injury apparently. The recovery time can be months but with exercise and rest you can cut that time down to a couple weeks. I picked up some pads for my work shoes and I think I am going to start taking anti-inflammatory drugs for a little while.

I don’t feel like 2 weeks off is going to make this impossible. It will just be more difficult. In order to make sure that I am still working toward the goal I am going to make some adjustments to the schedule. I am going to go the same amount of miles as I would have running on an elliptical machine. While this is not an even trade I feel like it will be better for the foot while still providing me with a workout.

I am also going to start a new diet/exercise program called the “TNT diet”. I had hoped when I bought the book that it was just listening to TNT by AD/DC over and over again which I would probably have done anyway. Turns out it is a little Atkinsy mixed with upper body free-weight work and protein shakes. The workout program is pretty manageable, 3 days a week which I will do on my running days off.

I did Atkins a bunch of years ago and I did lose weight. For a while. The nice difference here is that I am not going to just eat meat and probably live on just vegetables for a while which I should be doing anyway.

Don’t fret. I will still blog. I have no idea what I will talk about. The elliptical machine is in a very small room in my basement and the chances that any animals or people will do something worth writing about is virtually nil. I may have to keep an eye on the spiders though. I have no idea where their allegiance is. They may like bicyclists because a bike’s spokes have got to be a great place for a lazy spider to spin a web. Half the work is already done! They may get a little pissed when the colorful giant comes and ruins all their work.

Week Eleven: Thursday

If you thought gangsta’ runnin’ was the ultimate in musical genre based marathon training, think again.

I tried out a radical new genre that adds a whole new element. Bluegrass.

I originally thought that it would be great because the tempo is like a 1000 bpm. Playing the banjo only has one speed with is second only to death metal. (Note to self: Run to Death Metal) This was great during the up-tempo songs. Plus, I run along railroad tracks and when listening to that music it is easy to imagine that you are being chased down by a posse of train engineers that are mad at you for hopping on their trains. The leader of the posse is particularly mad at you because you bedded his wife back in Gary, Indiana. This is only a portion of the elaborate tale I concocted.

The only downside is that when you hit a slow Bluegrass song it is sooooo slow. I like to slow it down for slow songs and all but I would have to walk backward for some of these. Plus then I look at things form that conductor’s point of view and I feel guilty for bedding his wife.

My foot was at like 99% and I felt like I should at least try run 3. I ran 2 in a little less than 20 minutes and then decided to walk one just in case. My foot was a little sore after I started walking but not so much that I could talk myself out of running the third mile. I figure I traveled more than 4 miles in 48 minutes, walking one mile. I feel like this was pretty good for the reintroduction.

Week Eleven: Wednesday

Didn't run. See previous post.

I am going to run tomorrow, but I may not go the full three miles. I am going to see how I feel. I think I need to ease back into it.

Week Eleven: Monday

Sorry for the radio silence. I actually would have posted last Thursday and Saturday on Sunday and the Monday post earlier but I hit a little snag in the program.

On Sunday I woke up and went to go to work around the house. I started to have a pain in the arch of my left foot. The longer I stood on it the more it irritated me. It got worse over the course of the day and was shooting up to my ankle.

I had hoped that Monday morning it would be fine and I would be able to run and when it wasn't I started to get really bummed. I am very motivated to run this stupid marathon. If I have to crawl the damn thing I will but I would like to be upright if possible. I was concerned that I had really screwed up my foot.

The other kicker is that I am only a month into my job and I didn't have insurance until July 2nd. I worried that if I posted about a foot problem that it would be considered an existing condition or something. This is important because I am pretty sure that every health care professional in Minnesota reads this blog. Has anyone considered making a special font for sarcasm?

Since I can't lie to you folks but I can lie to a doctor, I wanted to let you know that I did not run Monday because it would have possibly made things worse and I am probably not going to run Wednesday either. I am posting this on Wednesday and my foot is like 90% better. There is a little soreness but other than that I think I have recovered. I want to give it some time to make sure that I do not aggravate it again.

For those of you that are saying to yourselves "That fatass is just looking for and excuse to quit" you are half right.

I really want to give up on the not drinking pledge. I am looking for any excuse to quit that part.